


(It's hard) to let go slowly

by Aurigureyder



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and bittersweet ending, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I don't find it sad at all though I feel bad for steve, I don't hate anybody, I'll probably write an alternative ending, It's a happy ending depending on the character, M/M, Multi, Not Anti-Steve, Not Anti-Team Cap, Other, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), There is mention of many characters but it's actually steve and tony centered, based on can't love by 12 am, i'm ignoring infinity war and endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-06 04:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20500790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurigureyder/pseuds/Aurigureyder
Summary: I know that I took it all from granted.You gave me me all you had, I left you stranded.It's hard to say goodbye when I need you the most,but I'm the reason why you've been feeling alone.*In which Steve regrets his mistakes, Tony forgives him but it's too late for them. Now, Tony is marrying Stephen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got the inspiration for this while listening to Can't love by 12 am, it's a bit angsty.  
I'm sorry if there is any grammar / spelling mistake, English is not my first language.  
I hope you enjoy it. It will have an alternative ending.

Steve watched Tony from a small distance, his heart hurted just a little. He had missed the genious, billonarie, playboy, philantropist... He just didn't know how to approach him.

Tony seemed different; he'd been talking to him naturally, though. It's been a couple of years since Siberia and he still regrets it, he should've known that Tony wouldn't have killed Bucky... He should've told him sooner about his parents.

It was naive to believe that Anthony Stark would have him back after everything that happened between them, and although he forgave him and moved on, their relationship would never be the same. It wasn't easy to accept but think about it now wouldn't change a thing.

It felt like there was a galaxy between them.

Tony was talking to the Queens' boy, they somehow shared the same interests. Steve never thought of Tony as the parent kind, but he looked like that kid's dad... And he liked it very much.

Steve appreciated the new silver lines on Tony's hair, his age didn't make him less handsome. He was more beautiful under the sunlight. God. He missed him so much. Looking from the distance, they were close enough to touch and miles away at the same time.

Tony was still there but everything changed between them, he wasn't his Tony anymore. He never was his Tony, anyway. Their relationship wasn't fully official, he never had the guts to ask him properly. He never had the chance, too many things happened and stole the opportunity from him.

Now here he was, Tony had a ring round his finger and he knew that it was that stupid dr. Strange the one who had gave it to him. He knew they were to marry soon... And he had also listened to a conversation between Tony and Pepper -wasn't his intention, it just happened- so he knew that Tony was planning to adopt the kid. It was a surprise for Peter, he didn't know it yet, they would announced it the wedding day.

It hurted.

He was wasting his time, wasn't he? It felt like he couldn't love anybody else, he didn't want to let Tony go but again, it had been his fault. He had gone after Bucky, he had hurted Tony so bad. He didn't want to rip Tony's new happiness away so he remained quiet while watching him; yet he wished it was next to him and not next to that idiotic dr. Douche. What kind of ridiculous name was Strange anyway?

It burnt his heart just a little because he had no right to felt this way, did he?

*** **

Steve was now in his bed, wishing Tony was there with him. He recalled the brunette's touch on his skin, his sweet breath on his neck, every kiss, every laugh in between, every moan, every second. Steve's mind was a mess, he didn't want to remember. Yet here he was drowning in every sweet memory, cursing Strange for being the owner of Tony's love... And hating himself for letting him go, for pushing him away.

He didn't want to think about Tony. He didn't want to think of Strange owning Tony's body the way he used to. He didn't want to think about the way Tony's voice sounded when he was calling out for his name because now he was calling out for another one...

*** **

The morning arrived again and Steve could not rest at all. However, the few hours of sleep he had, borrowed him some seconds to forget why he was feeling so down. That was until he saw Tony's face in the kitchen.

He and Strange were laughing -the other avengers were too, but Steve was just interested in Tony- he could tell that stupid Stephen made Tony happy by the beautiful smile on his lips. When was the last time the genious gifted one of those smiles to him? He couldn't remember it.

"Morning" Steve greeting was a bit robotic.

"Hey, Cap" Tony smiled at him but not in the way he wished. "Here take a seat. Gosh you look tired".

"I am". He said while sitting near Nat. "Couldn't sleep very well".

"Why's that?" asked the red-haired woman Steve just looked at her, she knew the answer but she also wanted to make everything confortable again. After all, they were a team.

"We were discussing the wedding thingy, mr. America". Peter was as clueless and enthusiastic as always.

Tony looked at Steve and it was akward. Neither of them had talked about Steve attending to the wedding; it made sense, though, they were a team. Strange and Tony hadn't sent their invitations yet, and Steve had the awful feeling that it was because of him. That it was because they didn't know or didn't wanted him there during their special day.

"Yeah" Bruce tried to make it less weird for everyone. "Peter can't show his face on public and suggested that they should get married using their 'superhero costume', he believes that it would be fun having all of us terrorized by the Hulk".

"And Tony actually thought it a good idea". Added Rhodey.

"It's an excelent idea". Said Tony, Strange was laughing again.

"I'm starting to regret my proposal". Said the doctor.

"I won the bet, everyone here owes me $20". Said Clint

"Did you have a bet on who proposed first?" Asked Tony while Scott, Sam, Nat, Rhodey, Peter and Bruce handed their bets to Clint.

He was surprised at how the things between him and the team were going. Clint and Scott had overcome their anger when discovered that Tony had protected their beloved ones. Bruce had decided to stay since Thor and Loki were ruling New Asgard together. Natasha was never angry at him, they had kept in touch secretely while their were on the run. Tony had helped them although he was angry with Steve, the only one who was still mad at him was Wanda. But they never had a good relationship.

"When are you going to send the invitations, anyway?" Asked Scott, he had been silent for a while. "I need to find something that matches with Hope's outfit, you know. I mean, if I'm invited".

"The whole team is invited". Declared Strange, Steve felt his heart break just a little more.

"Even the galaxy weirdos?" Nat hit Clint under the table after he made that question.

"We will have to separate Peter, Harley Groot and Princess Shuri, they will burn the whole place down". Declared Tony.

Steve felt out of place but his legs weren't working, so he was stuck there. He felt like a part of the decoration. Everyone interacted but him.

"It would be a mess, are you completely sure that you want Loki here?" Asked Clint, everyone could be fine with this new Loki or whatever, but he didn't like it very much.

"You know, I actually want Loki and Barnes to come to the wedding". Tony sounded sincere, he was not looking at Steve. He was looking at his housband-to-be, who just nodded.

"Cap, are you ok with me inviting Barnes?" The question surprised him, he didn't know what to say. So Tony kept talking. "I mean, after everything that happened... I just want peace and I think he might like being here and, you know, socialize and get little by little a normal life".

"It's..." He bit his lip before reconsidering his answer._ It's what? Bad? Good? It would be better if it was him and not Stephen?_ At least if Bucky was around, it would be easier to deal with all this. "It's your decision but yeah. I think Bucky would like it".

"Then it's decided. Bruce, you should invite the asgardian warrior, she looks like a good match for Carol". That statement made Tony get punshed by a piece of bread from Rhodey and the general laugh of the room. "Or for Natasha for that matter".

"You are not going play Cupid on our wedding party".

"I just want to share our happiness. Think about it, even Peter will have his own date to bring because aunt hottie will be invited by Happy".

"My aunt WHAT?" Peter dropped his toast and looked mostly horrorized.

Steve couldn't handle the situation anymore and decided to go. Not that anyone noticed, he could still hear the whole fuss when he entered the elevator.

*** **

The couple were tasting cakes for the party, as the original avengers were the bestmen -including Nat-, Steve had to be there. At this point he wasn't sure if Tony wanted to torture him or make their relationship less we-broke-up-bad-and-I-hate-you and more we-broke-up-but-we-still-can-be-friends. He opted for the second one, he didn't want to hate him... He wanted him to be happy.

Stephen had his arm round Tony's waist while he fed him with pinapple cake. Steve closed his eyes for a second and imagined that it was his arm round Tony and that it was their wedding.

"Hey Steve" Rhodey's voice awoke him from that painful dream. "Let's leave these two decide the cake, Clint says that we should go and prepare the barchelor party".

Steve nodded and followed Rhodey.

"I don't see why do I have to deal with this too". Nat sounded a bit annoyed. She was Tony's friend but she didn't like th idea of being dragged to a barchelor party filled with morons looking at sexualized women.

"You are a bestman, it's your job". Clint mocked winning a punch from her friend. "You did it like a girl".

"And you cried like one". Said Nat. "If I am going to be part of it you are not having exotic dancers, Tony won't like them anyway. He is as straight as a circle".

"See? That's why we need you".

"Same rules apply to Steve". Added Rhodey, cap just nodded again.

"Buddy, we know you still have feelings for Tony". Clint had waited until they were far from the compound and from FRIDAY.

Steve was about to say something but got interrupted by Bruce. "Don't denny it. It's obvious".

"Tony is an idiot for this kind of things". Added Rhodey putting his hands on Steve shoulders. "He won't notice until you say something".

"I won't..."

"We know you won't do anything about it". Said Natasha, giving him a reasuring smile. "We are here to support you".

"Tony is happy with Strange". Was everying Steve could say.

"We know he is". Clint began again. "And he wants to share his happiness with us. You know, he asked us if he should invite you. He didn't want you to be upset, he still cares about what you feel".

"I... I don't know".

"We do". Said Nat. "Steve, when we were running and hidding, Tony and I still talked. The thing is that while we were gone Stephen was there for him. Stephen loves him. Maybe deep down Tony still loves you but you have to move on because this wedding is going to happen".

"Or take a step and talk to him". Everyone looked at Clint. It was a horrible idea, he knew it. "But if you do it, you have to do it now, before the wedding. And know that someone is going to suffer".

"Whatever you decide, we are here for you".

*****

Steve didn't go back to the compund that night. He needed space to think and being near the one he loved didn't help him to clarify his mind.

He walked through the places they used to go, it gave him a weird feeling. He wonder if he was just desperately holding on to the memories he had with Tony and every piece of their love that he couldn't let go or he was actually madly, eternaly... sadly cursed by love.

It didn't feel like an obsession. It felt real, he was really broken and the only one who could save him was Tony.

Once he was a man of honor and dignity, how honorable could be declaring his love for Tony days before his wedding? If he did it and Tony didn't feel the same, everything they still had would be gone for good and forever.

Was he ready to let that go? Maybe just staying quiet would allow him still be near Tony. Once he decided to fight once more, he was risking that... Why had he waited so long? What should he do?

*** **

"Steve, stop doing that". Bucky's hand rested on Steve's shoulder. He looked at him worried. "You are just hurting yourself".

"I've been thinking..."

"Didn't know you could do that". Joked the other man, trying to make Steve laugh, but he didn't.

"Maybe I should tell him".

"Absolutely not". Bucky stepped before Steve and placed his both hands on Steve's shoulder, looking at his eyes with determination. "You won't do it on his wedding's eve. Are you crazy?"

Steve didn't say anything.

"Listen to me, pal. It's a bad idea, a horrible idea. If you do this, it will end up bad. It doesn't matter the outcome, someone will end up hurt and I don't want you to be that someone". Bucky shook Steve to make his point clear, hoping he would understand. "You will be the most affected either way. If he somehow accepts you back, you'll be the bitch who stole the groom. And if he doesn't, you won't even be his friend anymore. You have to let him go".

"Buck... I'm already hurt". Steve stared at Tony before looking at Bucky again. "I appreciate you wanting to protecting me, but I'll do it anyway".

"You are a fucking idiot". Bucky looked disappointed, but before walking to the bar spoke to Steve again. "I'll be with Sam, you know where to find me when you get rejected".

Steve took a deep breath before making his way to Tony. Thank god he and Stephen had a sepparate barchelor party, it would have been more difficult taking this decision with him here. Tony was looking beautiful this night, he was talking with Thor and Bruce. Thor didn't know about his feeling, luckily Bruce could entertain him before he started asking unconfortable questions.

*** **

They went outside. Tony had a feeling of what Steve wanted to say, but didn't speak first. After all, it had been Steve's idea to be there. There was a moment of silence between them and it felt like an eternity, Steve didn't know where to start and was regreting his decision.

"Cap, you said you wanted to talk". Said Tony, he was getting anxious. He still had trust issues with Steve since their big disagreement. "I can't be gone for so long, it's my party, you know".

"Yeah. I do". Steve smilled a bit, he looked into Tony's eyes and decided to open his heart. "If I say that I love you, would you still marry Stephen?"

"Steve..."

"Tony". Interrupted him, taking Tony's left hand. "I regret every second I am not with you. And I can't... Every time I see you with him breaks me. I still love you. Please... Don't marry him".

Tony moved his hand away and smilled sadly.

"Steve, I loved you. I did it with my whole heart but that's it. It's in the past". He took a breath before keep talking. "When you left I was broken, angry, disappointed and it wasn't because you went after Barnes. It was because you didn't trust me".

"I did it".

"No, you did not. If you had trusted me, you would have told me everything before. Maybe it would had been difficult, but we could have worked it out together. To make all the situation worst, you left me with a broken suit in Siberia. I don't intend to make you feel bad about this because I'm over it, I forgave you but that's it".

There was a new pause in which Tony looked at his ring and smiled hopefully.

"After all that happened, I found myself in a dark place again. Then, I met Stephen. He is a pain in the ass, but I love him. He is compassionate, caring, funny, he is my everything and I'm marrying him, we will adopt Peter and start a family". Tony took Steve's face between his hands and dried the tears that were running from his blue eyes. "I'm not telling you this to make you suffer. Steve, when I think about you, I don't remember the bad things, I remember the good ones. You hold a special place in my heart; I could never erase our past, but we won't have a future. And we can still be friends, we will still work together but nothing else. Do you understand me?"

"I do". Steve touched Tony's hands again, kissed them one last time before parting away.

*****

Back on the party, he found Bucky who without a question handed him a glass of vodka.

After the third one, Bucky broke the silence.

"Wanna tell me what happened?"

"No"

"Wanna be alone?"

. . .

"No"

Bucky nodded, and stayed there. His company was the confort Steve needed. He decided to stay with him until the end of the night though he stopped drinking after the fifth glass.

*** **

"Stephen" Tony sounded a bit worried, that made the other man look at his way.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Steve talked to me today" Said the shorter man, his hands rested on Stephen's as he looked at his eyes. "He said that he still loves me".

Stephen's heart skipped a beat. "And...?"

"Don't worry" Tony smirked, stealing a short kiss from his lips. "I told him that he should move on. We can be friends, but I'm now in love with you. Besides, we are expecting a boy".

"Do you think Peter will be happy about it?"

"He loves us".

"I feel sorry for Steve" Stephen looked down but Tony made him look at his eyes again.

"Don't be. You knew my past with him and accepted him here back with the team. There is always going to be a broken heart, but we can't decide who we love. I did love him very much but now... Now I'm in love with you. And it sounds cheessy and not-me at all but it's true. And tomorrow we will start a new life together".

*** **

"He was... soft". Said Steve, he had finally decided to tell Bucky what had happened. "He wasn't difficult to talk to".

"What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know". Steve remained quiet for a moment before keep talking. "Should I still go to the wedding?"

"What did he say?"

"That we could still be friends".

"Then you should go". Said Bucky, Steve looked confused. "Friends support you, they go to your wedding. Do it in good faith and move on. If you seriously want him to be happy, you'll show him and Stephen that you wish them good".

*** **

The place was filled with people. It was a group quite weird, Ned, MJ, Peter, Harley and Shuri were talking to groot, which amazed most of the guests. Loki was talking to Bucky, they seemed to get along very well; everyone was enjoying the party.

"How's it going?" Nat put her hand on Steve's shoulder and he smiled.

"I told him". Steve looked at her. "That I still love him, I told him".

"Steve".

"Don't worry". He interrupted her. "He told me we could still be friends, that's why I'm here".

"I'm... sorry". She said. "It must be difficult".

"It hurts... but not as much as it did yesterday. Anyway, they make a good match".

"Yeah... the both of them are idiots" That comment made Steve laugh. Nat smiled at him. "You'll be fine, Steve".

Steve was interrupted by the sound of a glass, which indicated that they would make their toast. He looked at Tony once more, he was painfully beautiful, radiant. Steve closed his eyes trying not to cry, telling himself that everything would be ok. He didn't hear what they were saying, he could hear the voices in the distance. And, with this last breath before opening his eyes again, he decided to finally let him go because he knew that by the end of the speech, Tony would be more out of his reach than ever.

"... So we are really happy to have you all here celebrating with us". Steve paid attention to the couple this time. It was Stephen who was talking.

"And we want to give you another reason to celebrate". Tony completed Stephen sentence, he was looking a bit nervous. "Stephen and I don't want to wait to start a family".

That made the whole room break in subtle whispers.

"Peter, come here". Said Stephen.

"I swear I didn't kill anybody! You can't prove anything" Peter joked, making everyone in the room laugh. "No but really, what do you want from me?"

"Are you sure that _your_ son is a genious?" Stephen looked at Tony.

"He is _your_ son now too, Stephen".

Everyone went silent again.

May smiled at Peter, nodding.

"No way! You are kidding" Peter cried out of happiness, rushing to hug Tony.

"May, look, I have two dads!"

"You actually have like five, but they will still have to share their custody with me".

"I love you, May".

"Stephen, Tony". Steve spoke and gained the attention from everyone. "I'm so happy for you. I wish you two keep falling for each other and luck with your new son. But above all, I trully wish your happiness". He raised his glass, the rest of the guest did the same. Tony was surprised and looking at him.

"To the supreme family". Steve smiled, joking with Stephen's title. The people there laugh and repeated Steve's words.

"If anything, it's the _iron_ family". Tony corrected and smiled to Steve, he was touched by his sincere speech.

Steve bowed, and finally drank from his glass.


	2. Alternative Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same story, different ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the ending, I started writing it from Steve and Tony's talk because it doesn't make sense to copy the whole story just to change the end.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

They went outside. Tony had a feeling of what Steve wanted to say, but didn't speak first. After all, it had been Steve's idea to be there. There was a moment of silence between them and it felt like an eternity, Steve didn't know where to start and was regreting his decision.

"Cap, you said you wanted to talk". Said Tony, he was getting anxious. He still had trust issues with Steve since their big disagreement. "I can't be gone for so long, it's my party, you know".

"Yeah. I do". Steve smilled a bit, he looked into Tony's eyes and decided to open his heart. "If I say that I love you, would you still marry Stephen?"

"Steve..." Tony couldn't help but to jump into the blonde's arms and kiss him desperately. He broke up after a few minutes, when he realised what he has done. "I'm sorry... I"

"Tony". Interrupted Steve, holding him tight. "I regret every second I am not with you. And I can't... Every time I see you with him breaks me. I still love you. Please... Don't marry him".

"I can't... I can't do this to Stephen". Tony stepped back, he felt so guilty. He couldn't believe he had just kissed another man the night before his wedding. "Please let me go".

"No".

"Steve, let me go". Tony begged, he was feeling anxious, sick... He wanted to cry. "When you left, I was broken, mad, disgusted with myself. And Stephen saved me... Look, Steve. I cannot do this to him".

"But you don't love him". Steve insisted, looking for Tony's gaze. He wanted to look him in the eye.

"Steve..."

"I just want to know if you still love me".

Tony looked at his beautiful blue eyes and then sighed.

"I love you". He said, Steve noticed the sadness in his voice.

"Then don't marry him".

"Steve... Stop it". Tony took his hands, placed a small kiss in them and then he walked away.

Steve felt a little bit hopeful but still felt bad for Stephen. It wasn't his fault... Bucky was right. He wasn't feeling happy although Tony still loved him.

  


*

  


"Stephen..." Tony sounded sad and worried. Stephen could say he had cried by the way his voice sounded.

"Are you alraight, love? Is there something wrong?" Stephen touched Tony's hair, smiling for him.

"Steve talked to me today" Said the shorter man, his hands rested on Stephen's as he looked at his eyes. "He said that he still loves me".

Stephen's heart skipped a beat. The smile he had a few seconds ago vanished; he somehow knew what was comming next.

"You aren't marrying me, are you?" The sorcerer wanted to cry but tried to stay calm, he didn't want to make a scene.

"Stephen, I..."

"Don't" He holded Tony's hands, breaking appart to look at him. "Please don't do that. I knew this would happen".

"You knew?" Tony asked in confussion. "Did you use the time stone to see our future?"

"What?" Stephen felt his heart break a little more. He was trying harder and harder not to cry but that comment was like a dagger in his heart. "No".

"Then... How did you...?"

"Tony, please". He sighed. "I knew it since he came back to your life. I wanted to ignore it and believe that there would be a you and I forever but... The way you looked at him. You never stopped loving him".

"I'm sorry..."

"I love you, Tony. But you would never love me the same". Stephen kissed Tony's hands before giving back his ring. "Just promise me one thing".

Tony was crying in silence as he listened to Stephen.

"Please promise me you will be happy... And don't look for me again".

Tony didn't have the time to answer to Stephen's words because the sorcerer just walked away from him and left through a portal.

His heart ached, he felt so bad for breaking Stephen's heart and he didn't wanted to call Steve. This wasn't the way he wanted things to end but maybe it was for the best.

Steve has waited for him for years... He could wait longer, couldn't he? It just felt wrong to run after him when he was just broken up with his boyfriend the night before the wedding.

Everything seemed wrong, dark, pointless... He wished it to be a nightmare because of all the scenarios he could have imagined, this was the worst one. And it just was so... Painful.

He thought about Steve... Damn it. It was always about him. Yet it wasn't the right time to come to him... It was better that way.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually liked better the original ending, I do love Stony but Ironstrange has been my ultimate OTP since IW.   
It was really difficult for me to write this ending because I really felt bad for Stephen. 
> 
> I'll appreciate your kudos and comments💕


End file.
